There is a completely false recommendation that is being given in most of the children. And, when our children get good grades, what we do is give them thingsWhatever they want. Something that not only harms them but also changes their attitude toward their studies. Children need to be motivatedAnd that's not the best way.
When a child gets good grades or passes an exam, the best thing is not to give them things. Quite the opposite. We have to make them understand that the exams are small controls to verify that they have the knowledge that they want to be taught. They shouldn't study to get gifts, but to learn and train for the future. Yes, it seems we've been doing it wrong all these years.
The goal we have to pursue with our children is, at first, quite simple: to make them understand that your duty is to study...and then get training and a job they enjoy. In this way, they can build a future for themselves and achieve their goals. proposed objectivesAnd if they study only to get things, it's clear they won't continue doing so when they can't get them.
In short, if you really want to motivate children to study, do not promise them gifts or new things, but it will be necessary for you to make them understand that, when they have obtained good grades, they will have the opportunity to access the work that they really like, in addition to feeling fulfilled in them. Something that they will like a lot. At least in the future.
What is motivation really in children?
La and motivation It is the internal force that drives children to act, learn, or strive. It can come from outside or from within, and understanding this difference helps to avoid depending on others. material prizes nor of the punishments.
- extrinsic motivationThe child does something to obtain an external reward or avoid punishment. For example, studying only to get a gift or to keep their tablet.
- Intrinsic motivationThe child acts because he feels curiosityWhether you enjoy the challenge or want to improve yourself, the reward is in the... personal satisfactionnot in what you will receive later.
Extrinsic motivation may work in the short term, but it doesn't teach the child to enjoy the process nor to persevere when something gets complicated. On the other hand, when a child feels pleasure in learning, their brain releases dopamine, the neurotransmitter of motivation, and this reinforces their desire to continue learning without the need for constant rewards.
Why continuous rewards and punishments don't work
For a long time, it was believed that rewarding or punishing was the most effective way to educate. However, the systematic use of rewards and punishments generates a external dependency very dangerous:
- Awards teach that only what is worthwhile is worthwhile. strive if there is something in return.
- Punishments often generate fear, frustration and emotional distance from adults.
- The child stops acting because personal desire and ends up doing it out of obligation or fear.
When the rule at home is: “if there’s no reward, I won’t do anything,” children can even end up blackmail to adults. Phrases like "and what are you going to give me in return?" appear. In these cases, we are no longer fostering responsibility, but a continuous exchange of favors that prevents them from understanding that some tasks are simply theirs. must.
Natural, logical consequences and non-material reinforcements
Educating children without material rewards or punishments doesn't mean letting them do whatever they want. Limits still exist. essentialBut we can replace external control with... internal responsibility using other resources:
- Natural consequencesThese are actions that occur naturally, without adult intervention. For example, if a child doesn't put on their jacket, they will be cold; if they leave their toy in the yard, it might get wet and break. The child learns to connect their action with what happens next.
- Logical consequencesThe adult decides the punishments, but they are directly related to the behavior. For example, "if you spilled water, you have to clean it up" or "if you don't clear your plate, it will be dirty for dinner." These are not arbitrary punishments, but repairs coherent.
- Non-material rewardsThese could be a trip to the park, choosing a family activity for the day, or enjoying some special time together. They are not a requirement for taking action, but rather a recognition occasional to sustained effort.
This approach helps the child understand that their actions have a consequence. real impact and that the main satisfaction comes from doing things well, not from acquiring objects.
How to talk to, correct, and support without blackmail
The way we speak to children directly influences their development. Self esteem and in their motivation. Labels, even seemingly positive ones, can do a lot of damage.
- Avoid phrases like “you are vago"or "you are bad": the child ends up believing that his identity is like that and that he cannot change.
- Nor is it helpful to insist on "you're very smart" as an explanation for all their achievements; when faced with a difficult challenge, they can avoid trying for fear of no longer seeming intelligent.
It is preferable to focus the messages on the effort and in the strategies he has used: “you have dedicated time”, “you have organized yourself well”, “even though it was difficult, you kept trying”. In this way, the child understands that what is important is what agonot what "comes from the factory", and which can always be improved.
Keys to fostering intrinsic motivation at home
If we want our children to study and collaborate without material rewards, we need to create an environment that awakens their interest and their participation. Some practical ideas are:
- Connection before correctionBefore scolding, ask yourself what the child needs and what's behind their behavior. Often, "bad behavior" is a way of asking for something. atención or help.
- Clear and explained limitsInstead of “because I say so,” offer simple reasons that have sense For him. Understanding the why facilitates collaboration.
- Autonomy through small decisionsLet them choose between two valid options (which task to do first, where to study, with what materials) so they feel capable and responsible.
- It strengthens the process, not just the grade.Value consistency, organization, and improvement, even if the result isn't perfect. The key message is, "What matters most is that you..." you strive and you move on.”
- Set an example of self-controlChildren learn more from what they see than from what they hear. If you manage your emotions without yelling, they learn. self-regulation.
- Presence and unconditional loveAffection shouldn't depend on grades or behavior. Feeling beloved It is always the foundation for them to want to improve.
Design realistic goals and train willpower
Motivation also depends on what the... goals that we propose to children. If they are impossible, the usual reaction will be discouragement. It is fundamental:
- Adjust the objectives to the current capabilities of the child.
- Break down large tasks into small steps so you can experience the satisfaction of achievement many times.
- Gradually increase the difficulty, as they demonstrate that they can handle each challenge.
In addition, it is important to train your willpowerteaching them to delay gratification, prioritize duty over pleasure, plan ahead, tolerate mistakes, and understand that making mistakes is a natural part of life. learningIn this way, they will be better prepared to study and strive when there are no longer external rewards.
Make play and curiosity your best allies
Not all motivation revolves around grades. Many children are more driven by... curiosity Therefore, they are passionate about what appears in the textbook. Observing what interests them (insects, buildings, stories, sports) and connecting those interests with their studies makes homework more engaging. significant to them.
Games are an extraordinary tool for making learning less of a chore. Question-and-answer games, movement activities (jumping, bouncing a ball while reviewing content), or mission-style challenges can be used to make tasks feel like a fun activity. fun challenge and not as a punishment.
Educating without constant material rewards or harsh punishments represents a change of perspective: we move from seeking immediate obedience to building responsibility, curiosity and a love of learningThe children discover that it is their duty to study and strive to develop their abilities and one day gain access to jobs that excite themnot to fill a shelf with gifts; this change of focus fuels their internal motivation and prepares them much better for the future.